Finding Balance

So, I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned, but I recently turned 35. I know, I’m shocked as well. Typically a specific age doesn’t bother me but 35 felt kind of heavy. First of all, it was spent in Cincinnati in the hospital with Carson. That isn’t the best way to celebrate although I have spent a few birthdays in hospitals with Carson. But that wasn’t all of it. There was something about that number that made me feel like I should have my stuff together more, I should be way more adult than I feel half the time. But, the reality is, I still don’t know the answers to half the things I think I should, I’m still unsure if I’m doing things right, & I’m kind of in shock that I’m in charge of two humans & their outcome in life. I’m trying to find balance between being an adult & the best mom I can be to my babies while also wanting to still have fun with friends & pretend I’m young & carefree.

I’m so fortunate to have family close to watch the kids when we need time away & it is so needed. Carson has struggled when we leave him recently however. It instantly brings back memories of hospitals & tubes & the disruption of normal life. This is just another thing we are trying to find balance with. Trying to live a life that embodies family time & adult time is what we’ve always strived for & I think we do a pretty good job of it! It’s just a constant battle of balancing what is best for everyone.

A fun night with friends!
Meeting Edwin McCain after a great concert performed by him!
And then spending the entire day with my babies the next day, even if it was unplanned ❤️

Contentment

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about contentment. That sought after sense of happiness, bliss, pure satisfaction. I feel like I’m constantly chasing it. It’s hard to just sit in a moment & feel content.
When we came home from Cincinnati I honestly never thought I would ever have a moment of relief, much less feeling content. Then, a funny thing happened, life keeps moving & you get settled & realize the huge obstacles you were facing weren’t that tough at all.
Even after all of that, feeling at peace is a constant struggle for me. My mind is a million miles a minute so to ever think that all is right in the world is my biggest challenge. But, I noticed the other day, everything seemed brighter, songs I’ve skipped over I wanted to hear, sunroof was opened, pure happiness was flowing all around. I had found what I am constantly seeking. There was no rhyme or reason why it was here, but it felt blissful. And just as quickly as it came it was gone again. It was back to the daily stresses & worrying about every little thing. I guess that’s the natural ebb & flow of life. We unintentionally put so much of life’s worries on ourselves that separating from it is almost impossible.
I will say having those few fleeting moments of pure contentment have reminded me once again that it does exist. It’s just working on unwinding myself up enough to truly live in it.