As a woman, we are supposed to be good at everything, wife, mother, chef, maid, friend, etc. We should do all of those things, be all of those things, with a smile on our face and not a hair out of place :) Unfortunately, this is not the world that June Cleaver lived in and for most of us we feel that we fall short in one area or another.
I know that I have put so much energy and focus on Carson lately, especially with all of the health scares, that I maybe haven't been the best wife I could be. While I am still cooking, cleaning, and all the other wifely duties, I feel as though maybe I've checked out emotionally a little. I guess once everything happened with Dylan I wasn't there for anyone. I went through the motions for Carson but I barely had enough to give him. Then things started looking up and I started to heal from that. I finally felt like I was the mother Carson deserved again, she was back :) Now was time to start becoming the woman that Bert married again. Right as I started to work on that we got hit with the whole opsoclonus mess and 100% of my concentration was on Carson. Nothing else mattered when the thought of my child potentially having cancer and chemotherapy was going through my mind. Thank goodness, all is well with that.
There hasn't been a time where there wasn't some "crisis", I guess you could call it, in quite a while. In this stillness I got to thinking, that in the past 14 months since I've had Carson I've been so focused on him and not taken nearly enough time for our relationship. I can't even tell you our last date night and the last time we were out as adults was my high school reunion almost 3 months ago! I guess in all things, the first step is realizing you have a problem. I do. I am addicted to being Carson's mommy!! As much as I love it, I know I need a break sometimes and we need our couple time. As well as just needing some alone time. I'm hoping with this impending move we'll get some more of that. And with all of these scares behind us we can concentrate on just being a family and a husband and a wife.
I guess what I've learned is, while trying to be the best at everything you are going to fall short somewhere. It's all a balancing act and trying to figure out where to put your energy is difficult sometimes. I feel like as long as your loved ones are taken care of than the rest can wait. I don't have to have the perfect house or some extravagant meal when I have an amazing husband and the most perfect child :) Life is good and it's time to start enjoying it!
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| We'll call these "Pre-Carson" Pics - Me & Bert at Mangrove Mama's down in the Keys. July 2009 |
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| Bert & me in Knoxville. Going to see one of Bert's little brothers football games - one of our favorite things to do! Oct. 2009 |
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| We brought the Smurfs back into style way before some movie did!! Halloween 2009 :) |
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| The Barnes family (once again pre-Carson :) in Maryville for one of Blake's games :) Nov. 2009 |
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| Thanksgiving '09 - my last Thanksgiving of not being a mommy :) Well besides to Sammy! |
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| One of our last outings before finding out I was pregnant :) Cristina & Casey's wedding. Dec. 09 |
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| 5 Year Anniversary!! And yes we brought our child to eat at a 5 star restaurant with us and he was great! SALT, Amelia Island April 2011 |
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| Our last adult night, 10 year high school reunion. August 2011 |
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