P.T.C.D.

The stages of Post Traumatic Cincinnati Disorder 

So, I’ve bitched & moaned about how all of this has affected me. But the guy at the center of it all is finally feeling the effects. It’s been kind of heartbreaking to see him feeling the weight of it all. 

It started with frustration & aggression, some behavioral issues have come back as well. It slowly all crept back but by Friday morning it was boiling at the surface. While getting him ready he said, you only make me worse. You and daddy make me worse. I told him we only want to make you feel better. Then it was followed with talking about the hospital. I reassured him that no one was in the hospital or going back there, we are all home for good! He sat in my lap & started crying. His sense of security has been disrupted. I know it sounds so crazy but those 17 days in Cincy affected us all. We are all changed from it. Hunter still says things like you were in Cincinnati so you weren’t here for that. I’m ready to never think about it again but it’s now a huge part of our story. 

All he talks about is tubes in his nose. And asking who has to have enemas. He’s keenly aware of this difference in the world. He doesn’t notice any other differences, hair color, eye color, skin color, chromosome count, but this he is very aware of. 

Anything, I’ve ever gone through in my life so far, which has been a lot, this is shattering more than I can say. Seeing my strongest little boy, who has been through more than most, feeling the emotional effects of it all is kind of devastating. I don’t know what to do with that, except let him know we are here, will always be here, & hospitals are, hopefully, no more. 

So, here’s to recovering from all it. I always say he handles life so much better than we do &, he still is. I just know inside he’s still reeling from it all 💙